Whiskey in Space – Part I – E

Teil I – The Arrival

Actually, science fiction stories always start with “once upon a time in a galaxy far, far, far away – long, long, long before our time…”. But this time it was not to be so. What was happening was taking place right here in our galaxy, in part even in our solar system – long, long, long after our time.

An unbiased observer would have seen exactly the same as a biased one, if he had observed at this very moment, the space in the solar system – namely absolutely nothing new. It really did nothing at all in the solar system. And if, it would have been also completely indifferent to the mankind. It was much too busy with itself as the crown of the creation. Their problems were the most important and what should happen out there already big.

On Earth, or what was left of it, the real problems of life existed – although life existed only in a few bunkers. The sun had become a red giant, had swallowed Mercury and Venus, and on Earth had vaporized the oceans. For what water there was – still somewhere underground – of course fights had broken out, which had destroyed the sad rest as well. The earth had degenerated to a desert planet.

To come back to the real problems – the last rest of mankind was discussing whether a tree really exists when nobody can see it – or only becomes existent when somebody can see it – and if nobody can see it then, whether it disappears again. Nobody knew at that time what a tree was or how it should look like, but nobody came up with the solution either and so there was a hot discussion. (Solution suggestion of the editorship: It did not matter at all, since there were anyway no trees more!)

And then it happened. Where before only blackness and a little bit flashing stars had been, suddenly flashes in many colors flashed through the universe. Red, alternated with yellow, blue curved and wound through the space until it then completely tore open and a wormhole formed.

And oh miracle from this wormhole a spaceship emerged, which should still play a supporting role in our history. Perhaps not the spaceship itself, but the beings on board.

The ship passed through the system with an insane speed and immediately swung into an orbit around the Earth. Of course, no one on Earth noticed – how could they? But we want to know more. So let’s sneak aboard – quietly, please….

Oh no,” the second officer grumbled, “we’re here for a dirty planet like this? This is supposed to be the blue planet?”

“Let’s just rename it – the former blue planet,” the third officer sneered.

“Can’t you ever be serious – how are we supposed to find the solution to our problem on this planet? There is nothing there anymore – as if – water of life – ” it came from the captain.

“Oh Würmi – don’t forget to turn off the wormhole!” the only human on board joined in the conversation.

“Wormhole on, wormhole off, always the same,” Würmi grumbled in his ear. She could do that quite easily, because she was sitting directly on his shoulder. From there, she had the best view in the control room.

One must know: Würmi was a so-called wormhole snail. She belonged to a species of snails that carried a small wormhole instead of a house. In the past, they also carried a house around with them, like some other snails. But with advancing technical development, they had managed to replace the house with a small wormhole. With this they could travel home or to other places in the universe in a flash. They even took whole spaceships with them. It was rumored that this development had not yet reached its end, because the snails were highly intelligent. Who is surprised that Würmi was also the captain or the captainess or something completely different of the ship. (Editor’s note: yes, this is all rather complicated, but we are, after all, in the future).

Since there is constant talk of a problem, we will briefly insert the explanation here:

When humanity realized that their last days on Earth had come, they put great energy into building spaceships and most left. Only those who did not believe in the end of the world stayed behind. When the people arrived in space, they found occupation signs on many planets and so they had to move further and further out until they finally had to spread out over several planets. And lo and behold the struggle for survival made them forget all the petty squabbles from Earth and they became an important and also welcome factor in the galaxy.

Many species took them surprisingly as an example – they said to themselves: “If even the people manage to live together without beating their heads in, then we can do it for a long time”! Thus, over the millennia, a real community of peoples emerged. There it does not surprise also any more that the spaceship was occupied with so different beings.

And then it happened – people one day came into contact with a new race descended from bats and caught a virus – highly contagious. This made the humans melancholy, so melancholy that they no longer wanted to participate in life, even galactic life. The best scientists in the galaxy searched desperately, but found no cure. A cranky historian dug up an old text from Earth. According to this, there had been a cure for all diseases. Even vampires were said to have walked in the daylight again and to have renounced blood. Despite all skepticism, an expedition was equipped to search for the “Water of Life” on the ancient human homeworld.

But now enough of the digressions.

“Let’s just dig out the old maps and find the place where Ireland should be,” Leighis the human suggested. Since no being could think of anything better, they immediately went to work.

The spaceship descended slowly and silently to Earth. Contrary to expectations, it did not stir up any dust; the antigravity engines did not stir the air.

Finally, they hovered over the part of the world that must once have been Ireland, but now consisted only of flat mounds of sand.

“All for nothing – there’s nothing here anymore, this must have been Tullamore,” sighed Leighis*, “this is the final end for mankind.”

“Ah – is the mountain still so steep, a bisserl something goes allweil “*, Würmi tried to comfort him, “perhaps there is still hope”?

“Where is it supposed to come from – all the good spirits would have to come together”.

“Who has called us” sounded from the loudspeakers of the ship.

“Who are you, or even better, where are you?” Würmi called back.

“Well down here we are, open your eyes! Centuries have passed, but they are still unable to see us” it scolded again from the speakers.

There is nothing but sand and sand again”. Würmi zoomed in further and further on the image, but on the screen there was really only sand to be seen.

“Well, you really need to have sand thrown in your eyes so that you can see for the sand!” And it was as if a hot wind suddenly blew through the command center and their eyes began to water, or the equivalent in other species.

It took quite a long time until they had all blinked away the tears (editor’s note: Oh man/woman/* gendering was already difficult, but now so multi-intergalactic – a disaster).

But when even the last one could see well again, a completely different picture was presented on the monitors.

In the sand, which now seemed a bit blurry, three goblins were standing or sitting. One waved, one was only interested in his cauldron of gold, the third even bowed in greeting.

And suddenly they were no longer standing on sand, but on barrels, and in the middle of the shadow between the barrels was a bottle of Tullamore Dew.

OK – so far for today – a little tension must be – to be continued!

PS.: In primeval times there has been a TV series, as the thing has always brought the saying “Is the mountain….”, is thus stolen. And no it was not the one with “Schaun mer mal, dann sehn mer schon!”

PSS.: The name used – Leighis – means: healing, healer